worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
