remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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