someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
