Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
