I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
