Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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