i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I had to cum in my sink.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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