Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
