i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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