I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
