if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
