He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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