Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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