are you still at the devil's house?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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