I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
