you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
