Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
