we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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