it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
