you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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