can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
