Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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