he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am never drinking with the goths again.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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