I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
