pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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