so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
