and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
