I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
