moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
