Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
