According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
