Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
