apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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