I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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