why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
