Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
birth control should be required to get into college
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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