So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
pray to the hookup gods
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