when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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