Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
