I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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