He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
