I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
