I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
