i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize