my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
