You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
