a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
