i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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