just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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