That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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