Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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