I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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