Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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