Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
