so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
