looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
