Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
