best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
