yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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