Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why is there bacon in the couch?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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