Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize