I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I could fuck to npr.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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