The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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