She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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