he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize