He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
