Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
