It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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