We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
