i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
