and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
