next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
