did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize