im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
