Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
